is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
