Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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