my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
