i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
