o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I love you. Go after that dick
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
