i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
