I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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