I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Send help, water and tortillas.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
