getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
