ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
