Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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