All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize