dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Randomize