He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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