I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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