sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
