Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found puke in my bra..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
A bitchslap is in order.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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