Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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