Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
