epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
