As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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