not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
