I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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