I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
