I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I looked at my own cervix.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
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she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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