we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
