I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
