So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
