Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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