So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
