the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Are my feet made of real feet?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
