It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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