Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
