Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
