thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
