I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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