If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
