i just had sex bonerless
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
