ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
