is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
