He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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