Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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