we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
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Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
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my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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