i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So squirting runs in the family.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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