:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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