I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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