I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
