question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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