i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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