I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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