He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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