the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"