I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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