Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
