dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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