I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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