Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
